Monday, August 20, 2007
Monday, May 21, 2007
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Arz kiya hai - part III
taruf rog ho jaye to use bhulana behtar,
taluk bojh ban jaye to use todna accha,
woh afsana jise anjam tak lana na ho mumkin,
use ek khoobsurat mod dekar chhodna accha
taluk bojh ban jaye to use todna accha,
woh afsana jise anjam tak lana na ho mumkin,
use ek khoobsurat mod dekar chhodna accha
Friday, March 16, 2007
The very first story i ever wrote
this is the very first story i ever wrote , and i think it changed my image of an angry guy in some ppls mind , i am not sure , but i think so
THE GIRL
Amit wakes up with a start. ” Shit, what a bad dream, he thinks.“ He dreamt he was falling in an abyss. He was trying to scream but the scream would not escape his throat. These dreams had become increasingly common since he had lost his job. Bad times for the economy meant that his job had been axed with lots of others.
He goes into the kitchen and brews himself a strong cup of coffee. Coffee in hand he goes into the balcony. “What a life” he thinks,”3 am and I am drinking coffee”
He gazes mindlessly into the darkness of Mumbai. He loved the city, it had treated him nicely and at times shabbily, but overall it had treated him well.
It is then that he notices a light in the apartment exactly opposite to his balcony, separated by a hundred feet of open space.” Another tortured soul like me “he thinks.
The faint strains of a ghazal fall on his ears. Then suddenly as if he has been noticed the light goes out and ghazal stops.
Its morning and Amit gets ready for another day of interviews. He is quite tired of it but a tenacious guy that he is, he keeps at it.
Its evening, he is back with another round of “We will let you know” statements.
His parents have been pestering him to go for an MBA degree. He has applied for CAT and a host of other exams.
“I really should study” he thinks and follows up on the decision.
Its 2 am and he has been studying for the last four hours. Bored out of his skull , he brews himself a cup of coffee and goes into the balcony. He has this strange feeling that he is being watched. He glances at the opposite balcony and the lights there go out almost as if the person there has guessed that he has noticed it.
Another routine day and he is again bored of studying. But now he is prepared, he has his binoculars handy. At 1 am he sets up position. Himself in darkness he observes the opposite apartment.
That is when he sees her. She raises her head from her books and his heart skips a bit. She is so beautiful, he cannot even begin to comprehend it. He observes her for a while.
Next thing he knows, sunlight is streaming into his room.
“Shit, I’m late” he thinks and rushes to the bathroom.
Another day and Amit is back at his studies. He kind of given up on a job but he is really is into this MBA thing.
Interestingly, he is getting into some kind of competition with this girl. She is studying, he knows she is studying, she knows he is studying and she knows that he knows that she is studying. But for the life of him, he does not know what she is studying.
And his heart still skips a beat every time he sees her, and that is happening almost everyday. The good news is that his night mares have stopped. The competition usually ends with him falling asleep on his table and waking up in broad daylight.
This goes on for two months. He is now really studying hard, whether to secure his future or to impress the girl he does not know. Anyway he is enjoying it a lot.
Its 3 weeks to the CAT and one morning the lights in her apartment do not come on. He is worried, he cannot concentrate and messes up the mock test he is taking. “Maybe she is ill or something “he tells himself. But the lights do not come on again and he does not see her again.
“I need to see her again”, he thinks “Just once before the CAT , just for good luck”, but it is not to be.
It is D –day, he goes to the centre, somehow goes through the test. He does not know how he has done and does not really care.
It is back to the same grind and same old routine for him. The nightmares have started again and he has kind of given up on life.
It has been 2 months since the exams. He is pining for the girl he never knew. He knows it is stupid but cannot help it. He is back in his apartment. That is when he sees the white envelope.” Not another job interview” he thinks. But no it is an interview call from Department of Management Studies, IIT Delhi.
“At last “he thinks “some recognition for my efforts” and goes back to studying.
Two months late he has secured a position in DMS IIT Delhi. He bids good bye to Mumbai ,the city that had given him so much and had made him weep so much.
First day in college is kind of boring. He still remembers her but the memory is kind of fading.” I can live without her “he tells himself and decides to bury the past baggage. The Dean’s address over he hangs out with some new friends.
Second day in college , first class of finance , he is apprehensive .Being an engineer , finance never was his thing.
Next thing he knows, his heart has skipped a beat .He thinks he is dreaming, but no, a girl, the same girl has entered the class. She is heading straight for him.
Sitting next to him she asks in a really calm voice “So, what took you so long?”
He smiles, she smiles, a really pretty smile, with a crooked tooth and all.
That is when he knows everything is going to be all right
THE GIRL
Amit wakes up with a start. ” Shit, what a bad dream, he thinks.“ He dreamt he was falling in an abyss. He was trying to scream but the scream would not escape his throat. These dreams had become increasingly common since he had lost his job. Bad times for the economy meant that his job had been axed with lots of others.
He goes into the kitchen and brews himself a strong cup of coffee. Coffee in hand he goes into the balcony. “What a life” he thinks,”3 am and I am drinking coffee”
He gazes mindlessly into the darkness of Mumbai. He loved the city, it had treated him nicely and at times shabbily, but overall it had treated him well.
It is then that he notices a light in the apartment exactly opposite to his balcony, separated by a hundred feet of open space.” Another tortured soul like me “he thinks.
The faint strains of a ghazal fall on his ears. Then suddenly as if he has been noticed the light goes out and ghazal stops.
Its morning and Amit gets ready for another day of interviews. He is quite tired of it but a tenacious guy that he is, he keeps at it.
Its evening, he is back with another round of “We will let you know” statements.
His parents have been pestering him to go for an MBA degree. He has applied for CAT and a host of other exams.
“I really should study” he thinks and follows up on the decision.
Its 2 am and he has been studying for the last four hours. Bored out of his skull , he brews himself a cup of coffee and goes into the balcony. He has this strange feeling that he is being watched. He glances at the opposite balcony and the lights there go out almost as if the person there has guessed that he has noticed it.
Another routine day and he is again bored of studying. But now he is prepared, he has his binoculars handy. At 1 am he sets up position. Himself in darkness he observes the opposite apartment.
That is when he sees her. She raises her head from her books and his heart skips a bit. She is so beautiful, he cannot even begin to comprehend it. He observes her for a while.
Next thing he knows, sunlight is streaming into his room.
“Shit, I’m late” he thinks and rushes to the bathroom.
Another day and Amit is back at his studies. He kind of given up on a job but he is really is into this MBA thing.
Interestingly, he is getting into some kind of competition with this girl. She is studying, he knows she is studying, she knows he is studying and she knows that he knows that she is studying. But for the life of him, he does not know what she is studying.
And his heart still skips a beat every time he sees her, and that is happening almost everyday. The good news is that his night mares have stopped. The competition usually ends with him falling asleep on his table and waking up in broad daylight.
This goes on for two months. He is now really studying hard, whether to secure his future or to impress the girl he does not know. Anyway he is enjoying it a lot.
Its 3 weeks to the CAT and one morning the lights in her apartment do not come on. He is worried, he cannot concentrate and messes up the mock test he is taking. “Maybe she is ill or something “he tells himself. But the lights do not come on again and he does not see her again.
“I need to see her again”, he thinks “Just once before the CAT , just for good luck”, but it is not to be.
It is D –day, he goes to the centre, somehow goes through the test. He does not know how he has done and does not really care.
It is back to the same grind and same old routine for him. The nightmares have started again and he has kind of given up on life.
It has been 2 months since the exams. He is pining for the girl he never knew. He knows it is stupid but cannot help it. He is back in his apartment. That is when he sees the white envelope.” Not another job interview” he thinks. But no it is an interview call from Department of Management Studies, IIT Delhi.
“At last “he thinks “some recognition for my efforts” and goes back to studying.
Two months late he has secured a position in DMS IIT Delhi. He bids good bye to Mumbai ,the city that had given him so much and had made him weep so much.
First day in college is kind of boring. He still remembers her but the memory is kind of fading.” I can live without her “he tells himself and decides to bury the past baggage. The Dean’s address over he hangs out with some new friends.
Second day in college , first class of finance , he is apprehensive .Being an engineer , finance never was his thing.
Next thing he knows, his heart has skipped a beat .He thinks he is dreaming, but no, a girl, the same girl has entered the class. She is heading straight for him.
Sitting next to him she asks in a really calm voice “So, what took you so long?”
He smiles, she smiles, a really pretty smile, with a crooked tooth and all.
That is when he knows everything is going to be all right
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
pain-2
every time i think i have moved beyond the pain and hurt caused by ppl , someone comes along ,
uncovers the wound , drives a nail in it and moves on.
why the f**k is this happening?
uncovers the wound , drives a nail in it and moves on.
why the f**k is this happening?
Monday, March 12, 2007
survival
2007 has been bad for me , right since its inception. I have seen facets of ppl i wud rather not have seen.
a lot of shitty stuff has happened over the last 2 months, i have boozed , i have smoked and done lots of idiotic stuff and realized tht it did not help.
however today i am happy. I realize that i have survived it.
i can say today " It did not destroy me, it made me stronger "
thank you , Nietzsche , you were right , should never have doubted you.
a lot of shitty stuff has happened over the last 2 months, i have boozed , i have smoked and done lots of idiotic stuff and realized tht it did not help.
however today i am happy. I realize that i have survived it.
i can say today " It did not destroy me, it made me stronger "
thank you , Nietzsche , you were right , should never have doubted you.
arz kiya hai -part II
Mera azm itna buland hai,
ke paraaye sholon se dar nahi,
Mujhe khauf aatish-e-gul se hai,
kahin wo chaman ko jalaa na de...
Mere humnafz, mere humnawan,
mujhe dost bankar daga na de.
ke paraaye sholon se dar nahi,
Mujhe khauf aatish-e-gul se hai,
kahin wo chaman ko jalaa na de...
Mere humnafz, mere humnawan,
mujhe dost bankar daga na de.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Pain
i have learnt , firsthand , that people who make you suffer the most , in the most painful manner, are the ones you love.
quite enlightning , i am now afraid of making friends, or letting smone get close to me .
and a totally unrelated observation
Only someone who has been driven barefoot into the mud and snow, who has had even his bread taken away from him and has proved every day with his fists his right to existence — only this kind of man is capable of showing one day that he really is the best.
quite enlightning , i am now afraid of making friends, or letting smone get close to me .
and a totally unrelated observation
Only someone who has been driven barefoot into the mud and snow, who has had even his bread taken away from him and has proved every day with his fists his right to existence — only this kind of man is capable of showing one day that he really is the best.
Monday, January 29, 2007
perseverance
i have always believed , if you really want something , go for it and keep trying until u succeed. I have achieved some of my goals working in this manner but now , my belief is being tested to the extreme.
if i look at the situation logically , it seems not only futile , but downright stupid to try and achieve what i want, and yet somethng inside me says , dont give up , keep trying.
so i think i will keep trying.
if i do not succeed , i will know that my philosophy of trying is wrong. One way or other , i will gain something.
i read this about SAS (british special forces) soldiers, somewhere:
they could march past the barriers of exhaustion into that near death like state , where all existence is a miasma of pain and it is only the will that keeps you going.
i wonder if i could ever do it, could I ?
if i look at the situation logically , it seems not only futile , but downright stupid to try and achieve what i want, and yet somethng inside me says , dont give up , keep trying.
so i think i will keep trying.
if i do not succeed , i will know that my philosophy of trying is wrong. One way or other , i will gain something.
i read this about SAS (british special forces) soldiers, somewhere:
they could march past the barriers of exhaustion into that near death like state , where all existence is a miasma of pain and it is only the will that keeps you going.
i wonder if i could ever do it, could I ?
Monday, January 22, 2007
disappointed
turns out
my idol has feet of clay ,
i was the fool for assuming someone could be idolized and i paid for it
my idol has feet of clay ,
i was the fool for assuming someone could be idolized and i paid for it
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Tuesday, January 9, 2007
Friday, January 5, 2007
what to do ?
"I Love u " he tells her
" I don't" she says
" I will wait for u " he says ,
"it is of no use " she says.
He is sad , but determined , so he says
" I will wait for u , if it is meant to be, it will be , if not , at least i will know that i tried "
what should he do ?
" I don't" she says
" I will wait for u " he says ,
"it is of no use " she says.
He is sad , but determined , so he says
" I will wait for u , if it is meant to be, it will be , if not , at least i will know that i tried "
what should he do ?
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